After experiencing the prayer of union, I was desperate to have it again. I continued holding my crucifix and meditating on Christ’s passion. However, I knew that it is right to take whatever Jesus gives me, whether it’s suffering or consolation. In this case, Christ put a vision to my mind’s eye which gave me both.

Before I explain my vision, I feel that it is of utmost importance to explain how visions and locutions happen. I was convinced for many years that visions and locutions were actual images placed before your senses and locutions were sounds heard by the ears, but I learned that they are much more interior than that. Visions are similar to day dreams, but you are very aware of what is happening. It is like watching a movie in your head where you are the protagonist acting exactly as your heart desires. The heart does not lie and only speaks the truth since it contains all of your thoughts and feelings so when presented with God you automatically speak everything you hide from the world and I knew that I loved Christ above all.

Christ appeared to me crucified and the terror that came to my heart was like a knife piercing me. I have never cried such bitter tears out of pure honest love for someone or something. I realized at that moment how much I love Christ without any gain for myself and I couldn’t let Him be crucified again. The interior of my heart said to Christ crucified “My Lord! Please don’t die! You don’t need to be crucified again! Let me take your position on the cross! Let me be insulted instead of you so you can be glorified!” To my surprise, I found myself taking Christ down from the cross so that I may replace Him. I understood that suffering out of genuine love is the most beautiful act we can do. I still have this feeling strongly in my heart that I don’t want Christ to suffer anymore because He has already suffered enough during His passion for my sins. Which then brought my sins to my attentions and I realized that I haven’t been to church or taken any of the sacraments for 3 years. I knew that I had to go to confession and take communion again.

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