When I asked for the unification with the Holy Spirit, I didn’t take into account how pure one has to be to receive Him. I thought that the nine days I would undergo would be exciting and enjoyable, but I began to suffer great torments instead.

It started out with extreme fatigue and bodily pains which would prevent me from getting out of bed. I felt that I was going to die the very first day I started the novena. I don’t want to make it seem like I’m exaggerating, but I honestly felt that I was going to give up my spirit every single day of the novena. You can only imagine how difficult it was for me to get out of bed just to go to church and in this state, praying was only done lying down and half dead. Sometimes I felt the bodily pains and torments more or less depending on the day. This suffering was one of the three main torments.

The next torture I suffered was unending temptations everywhere I went. Anything and everything was a tool for the devil to use against me in my path to unification and it almost felt that it would be better if I had no use of my senses so I couldn’t be tempted anymore.

The last torture I suffered was from people that I knew, especially my family. I was mocked by them for believing in God and going to church every day. It almost seemed like my mother would rather die than for me to go to church or even pick up a rosary. I’ve never experienced any suffering of the likes.

I ended up calling to St. Padre Pio since I knew he suffered great torments prior to receiving his stigmata. I would always turn to him when I felt the suffering was impossible to bear. He would always respond saying, “I will pray so that you have the strength to continue instead of removing the suffering.” I would then feel as if I let out my spirit and that the suffering was less. It was difficult enduring these times because it was constant and people could see how pale and lifeless my face was.

When I would get to church, I thought that her and her sacraments would save me, but instead I suffered even greater torments. I always found this difficult to deal with because the one place I was supposed to have joy and happiness, gave me the most violent sufferings and unease of spirit.

Finally, day after day, the novena came to a conclusion and I received the Holy Spirit. However, it was not in a way that I thought He would come.

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